Defining Your Sense Of Self Worth

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How does one measure the worth of a person?

One thing about society's concept of worth is that it is too often measured against financial and material accomplishments and achievements. For example, the most beautiful and masterfully crafted works of art would be empty accomplishments if the artist could not afford to send his/her children to school, or pay the rent or mortgage (after all, works of art usually gain value only after the artist dies). It would seem that the situation has reached the point that lack of accomplishment in material or financial matters is considered a form of irresponsibility. But is one's worth only what is reflected in the balance sheet?

In order to look deeper into this, we need to see what happens when things go wrong because this is when most people feel worthless (with others all too happy to sing that chorus). There is a song called Bad Day by Daniel Powter and perhaps it's better known as the song played for eliminated contestants in American Idol 5. But there are really some days when things just don't fall into place and one thing after another goes wrong. Some people have more of it than others but basically, no one is immune from a bad day.

A bad day is probably one of the few things in life that doesn't distinguish between rich or poor, powerful or weak, healthy or sick. When things go wrong, your bank account, degree, your job title or social position will not matter, only your mindset will.

So how do we deal with a bad day? How does one stop from feeling worthless? Since everyone will encounter at least one bad day in their whole lifetime, it's important to grasp at every little positive thing, no matter how trivial it seems. Literally count your blessings! You'd be surprised at just how much good you can find in yourself if you put effort into it, and then the day won't seem so bad after all.

An example of looking for something positive would be a situation that made you pissed off but where you didn't lose control and blow your top. You can either continue being pissed off that the bad situation happened at all, or you can reflect and congratulate yourself that you managed a bit of self control in not blowing your top, especially if this is an improvement over what you may have been likely to do in similar situations before.

Of course, it's important to distinguish between the truly good that you see in yourself versus having an overinflated sense of self-importance. If one has made a mistake, one should correct it. Self-honesty is the only way to avoid the trap of self-delusion. But even then, if you can be honest enough to admit your mistakes, that's one good thing about yourself and you still come out a winner.

The more you build up the list of good things you recognize about yourself, the more your self-esteem grows. The more your self-esteem grows, the more you get a sense of your true worth. When you know what you're worth, you are less likely to be defined by what others say about you or be forced to conform with what society defines as normal. More often than not, we seek acceptance and approval from others, that's why we feel the need to be worth something in the first place. So when we receive any form of criticism or attack, that sense of acceptance and approval is threatened so we feel bad and may even strike back.

Some criticisms are deserved, but other times they are done out of spite, jealousy or misunderstanding. Too much criticism can leave someone doubting one's worth and can lead into a downward spiral of depression. Coupled with some runs of "bad luck" and one can really feel as if the world is out to get them. For most people, these are temporary states that one can easily snap out of. For others, it can become a lifelong struggle to find meaning in life.

Whenever you're down is actually the best time for you to love and accept everything about yourself when no one else will. Your sense of true worth will be the innermost rock that you can grasp and use to hold yourself steady against the tide of trials that life may throw your way. It becomes easier to dust yourself off, be better and try harder. It even becomes easier to be harshly honest with yourself, because you know that no matter how bad you're going to appear under the harsh eye of self-criticism, you still know there's something good in you, you know there is something to accept, and you know there's still something to love. In short, you know your worth and there's no price tag attached to it.

The magical thing is, once you start to truly accept yourself (warts and all), then you start to appreciate what unconditional love must be like. Just imagine, it doesn't matter if you went to college, didn't get that promotion, failed the board exam, have a bum career, don't get along with people. None of it matters, you are simply loved and accepted as you are. You don't even have to do anything or prove anything in order to get it. If there are prerequisites or you need to "earn" it somehow, it wouldn't be unconditional.

The sages say that God is Love, and that His love is unconditional. We are all divine sparks and one with God. Therefore, the very root of love is found within us. We need not search for acceptance and approval from others. There is only one source of genuine acceptance and approval that we need, and we only need to recognize it in ourselves. It makes one think of what the Lord Jesus said, that heaven is within us.

With this recognition of the love within us, I am loved becomes the new mantra and affirmation. Had a bad day? I am loved. Did an irate customer shout invectives at you? I am loved. Passed over for promotion? I am loved. Feel you made the most stupid mistake in the world? I am loved. Were you humiliated in front of others? I am loved. Didn't pass that test? I am loved. Are you persecuted because of your race, creed or religion? I am loved.

Eventually, this type of attitude will not be limited to bad days alone. It will become a new outlook in life, a life that looks and feels fresher simply because you have accepted yourself and know your worth. Of course, nothing happens overnight and we will need to constantly remind ourselves of the fact that we are worth something before this attitude becomes ingrained.

This state is something that is experienced, not imagined. Yet imagination paves the way to infinite possibilities, so imagine it at the start if you must and remember that your true worth is the unconditional love of God that is already yours if you but recognize and accept it.